winter the season of my choice

I wish once again the winter came to me whispering how mush he was in love. I wanted to hear the dew drops fall from leaves to leaves. When I hear it all in the silence of the moon lit nights, I used to lie down listening to the footsteps that I would never hear in my life. He would be missing me I know. But how much? A question that would never be answered. He never admitted that he was in love. His silent messages conveyed it all. At times a pat on my shoulder, at times a look asking me ‘’what next’’… I have no idea about what that magical power is that keeps my thought chained to that being irrespective of his negligence. We could not meet many times; we hardly spoke to each other. But all that I can remember about him is happiness that he had given me all time.
My body has lost its health and I feel like being kissed for long. I would die if I don’t travel alone and listen to the music of nature. I am sure that I will not be able to live the love of my life, as some rightly commented-you cant have everything in life…! I need to be in the midst of dense forests. I should sing and write poems about the wonderful gifts of this nature. I should make love to the man of my life, feeling the warmth of his desire that leaves me after each orgasm. I need to pull the pebbles off the riverbed and throw them to the water and see them slip over the crystal clear water. I should witness sunsets and sunrise one after another, remain tightly enclosed in his arms. I should make the wild wind take off the clothes that wrap my body, limiting its freedom to feel the nature around. I want to shed all those masks I was bound to wear to satisfy those demons thirsty for my freedom and soul. I wish I could be born like a butterfly and die off in a day or two. Many a times I’ve felt like losing myself in the deep blue ocean, being the meal for aquatic world and my soul freed from all the earthly interventions. I have had no toys to play with. But I have been one to many. I did not think of cheating a soul but even my soul has cheated me quite a number of times.
I had thousands of words to utter, but my stage was gone, I had tears dried off by the time I received a shoulder to shelter on. I had come out of that world of agony, becoming insensitive, by the time you lend me a helping hand. I had sold off all my love and mortgaged my heart by the time your love found its way to my heart. Here I stay in front of you, wanted by you. Here I stay hoping for a day when I become yours. Rescue my soul you my love. Rescue the words from my throat, let me speak to you how much I love you and longed for you. Detach me from the chains and handcuffs you find on me, and show me the way to that valley you dwell in… Let me search for that peace I’d once found in you….

crazyalphabets

Art, though man-made, do influence human mind. Oh, I could have delivered it like this- as human mind creates art due to many influences, the art too influence human mind... I am sure there is still a better frame for this concept!
I do not meet many people who really understand my thoughts and that keeps me away from lots of things. People, relations, living beings…all have appeared meaningless several times... The reason I do not know, I am made like that! I am sure about the path in which my mind travels, but communicating that to others is a tough task ahead…
Once I start expressing my thoughts and feelings in words, I won’t wait for anyone to recognize that it is a piece of literature- but definitely start respecting it as ‘the best’. Now, for all these reasons, let me tell you that the following literary feast is the after-effect of my parenthood for a few ideas. I ‘carried’ them after ‘conceiving’ them from various ‘observations’. And now I am delivering them with quite a lot of ‘labor pain’! my ‘creation’ is very close to my heart…
My graduation in a metro gave me various things to think about. I realized several times that life is just a bunch of unexpected things. Life in the metro bred me often except for a few friends and teachers… the place was not more than a motel for me…
Sun baked each day into delicious cakes… cake tasted good for a few. It was not worth for many. I never bothered how many I possessed…countless I ignored.. The true bonding of friendship I realized these days… I am a coffee lover, I could easily make of my friends drink, rather zip coffee with me… a lot, thereafter happened over coffee chats! Three of us could easily row through the violent ocean of life. We faced good times, bad ones were in no converted into good ones… I am sure nothing in my life will replace them. The happiness and joy they gave me, I will never leave away from my thoughts… not just three of us were in there in our world. We stayed away from this world often, watching the world rotate on its age old axis… we took roads ignored by the majority. We had a few passionate fellow passengers. W were sure of one thing if not everything… all those faces we encountered, had a magnificent smile ignited.

I had [fortunately] chances to see different phases of life. I was somehow sensible enough to observe them and accidentally, unknowingly I learned quite a lot. I had heard of ‘this world’ and I use to pray it not to be like that. But the lessons told me that I was living a fantasy in spite of being aware of the reality. Women who believed in true love, cheating their husband. The husband acting as if he was cheated and doing the same hiding the laughter… and finally a group of young ones growing up left alone to choose what’s their way… father yelling at mother, grandparents cornering their son for bringing in a bitch as their daughter-in-law.. children being exploited because someone was in need of ‘tender flesh’… diseased and betrayed, a million trillion lives dwelling on hope for a better life… Sex, money and selfishness- quite a number of times I felt that life is all about paying bills, selling your products [including yourself] and finally penalizing the self for all you have done….
Is life an illness you can never escape form? Or a commodity that you can only produce and get hanged when you try destroying it… at times it is a search for me between the two ends…death and birth… black light in the beginning and blackout at the end… god interferes my thoughts frequently, he is my soul mate- he always listens. He replies only through others… life is also an unending attempt from my part to find that omnipotent presence. He confuses me often, nurture smiles and listens patiently when I whine about worldly matters… my ceaseless love for him- is also life for me…
Life is one’s portrait that can be viewed only by others. It is just like the final drop of a drink that adheres to the cup and you never get to taste! It is like me thinking of writing all these from my study room and ending up scribbling it from a coffee shop alone, being an exhibit for all- including a mother an her pregnant daughter who’s occupying my neighboring table…
Life is lies between two seconds, it belongs to me and to you. It is all about love, destiny and the huge pile of mysteries. It is about people lying in bed for decades, leaving tears in eyes, ants eating up their body, thoughts conquering their mind and regret haunting all day and night. Life is about killing a foetus because you wanted 'pleasure', but you are afraid of the bad name! Life is about eating spiders and scorpions and tattooing your girl's name on your arm in a language unknown to your friends!
Life is about 'texting' your father that you are safe, though you know the ditch you are in. Life is about beliving in a person whom you know that, is not worth you trust. Life is kike showing your navel to someone whom you dont want in your bed. It is like inviting an unknown guest. Life is a web you never fail to be in! It is like the feeling you get when your love is illtreated and still you keep loving unconditionally. And...it is like a magic played by someone, who know even the fact I wrote all these to kill my time...!