winter the season of my choice

I wish once again the winter came to me whispering how mush he was in love. I wanted to hear the dew drops fall from leaves to leaves. When I hear it all in the silence of the moon lit nights, I used to lie down listening to the footsteps that I would never hear in my life. He would be missing me I know. But how much? A question that would never be answered. He never admitted that he was in love. His silent messages conveyed it all. At times a pat on my shoulder, at times a look asking me ‘’what next’’… I have no idea about what that magical power is that keeps my thought chained to that being irrespective of his negligence. We could not meet many times; we hardly spoke to each other. But all that I can remember about him is happiness that he had given me all time.
My body has lost its health and I feel like being kissed for long. I would die if I don’t travel alone and listen to the music of nature. I am sure that I will not be able to live the love of my life, as some rightly commented-you cant have everything in life…! I need to be in the midst of dense forests. I should sing and write poems about the wonderful gifts of this nature. I should make love to the man of my life, feeling the warmth of his desire that leaves me after each orgasm. I need to pull the pebbles off the riverbed and throw them to the water and see them slip over the crystal clear water. I should witness sunsets and sunrise one after another, remain tightly enclosed in his arms. I should make the wild wind take off the clothes that wrap my body, limiting its freedom to feel the nature around. I want to shed all those masks I was bound to wear to satisfy those demons thirsty for my freedom and soul. I wish I could be born like a butterfly and die off in a day or two. Many a times I’ve felt like losing myself in the deep blue ocean, being the meal for aquatic world and my soul freed from all the earthly interventions. I have had no toys to play with. But I have been one to many. I did not think of cheating a soul but even my soul has cheated me quite a number of times.
I had thousands of words to utter, but my stage was gone, I had tears dried off by the time I received a shoulder to shelter on. I had come out of that world of agony, becoming insensitive, by the time you lend me a helping hand. I had sold off all my love and mortgaged my heart by the time your love found its way to my heart. Here I stay in front of you, wanted by you. Here I stay hoping for a day when I become yours. Rescue my soul you my love. Rescue the words from my throat, let me speak to you how much I love you and longed for you. Detach me from the chains and handcuffs you find on me, and show me the way to that valley you dwell in… Let me search for that peace I’d once found in you….